Why Me?

With a condition like Fibromyalgia it is very difficult not to ask the question, Why Me?  Especially on days when a simple task like doing the grocery shopping leaves me feeling like I am being eaten from the inside out.  An army of monsters with steel claws and sharp teeth gnawing and tearing at every muscle and joint in my body, leaving it hard for me to move or even to breathe.
The body deceives me sometimes, getting my hopes up by giving me days where the pain is bearable.  Bearable enough for me to enjoy a walk in the forest with the kids or a day in the garden but then suddenly like a bolt out of the blue the pain once again rises up on me.
But on these days I have to keep reminding myself that a mere 9 months ago I was incapable of driving anywhere, cooking a meal or even reading a book and it was so for the two years previous to that.  I'm slowly finding my way out of this dark and difficult time but the monster still lives within always ready to let it's presence be known.
On my bad days the Why Me? question follows me everywhere I often look at people my own age and wonder what it is like to have a full busy day, going to work and having a career or studying and not feeling any pain at all.  It has been seven years since I have been able to do any of that and it often feels like I have sometimes been cheated.  Cheated out of a proper life.  Incapable only of being an observer and not a participator as life seems fly by the windows of my house, like some weird episode of Dr. Who.  But I must not let self pity take hold because it will not be friend of mine. It will only crush me and steal my soul.
Something that took me quite a long time to learn is that I am not my pain and my pain is not me.  It is only a part of me.  And this realisation hit me like a streak of lightening.  Illuminating the massive mistake that I was making.  Before this I would it feel like the pain had taken over so much of my life and controlled each and every thing that I did and I had really forgotten all about me.  I became my pain in a way.  Incapable of imagining life without it.  I once said that I thought that I would be lonely without it because it had been with me for each and every day for seven years.  Like a person you don't like but always seems to be around.  It took me a month doing EFT every day with Karin in Germany to make me see what was really happening.  I was being smothered by this terrible condition. And now I realise that we are two seperate entities living in the same body.
Even though I still have my bad times, I'm grateful that I have come so far in the last 9 months.  I am Rosanna once more and I make the most of each and every break that I have from my chronic pain.  

The Summer Garden

Despite the bad weather, our garden seems to be finally blooming and coming into it's own.  Here are a few of the gorgeous sights in it at the moment.

This is called the Blue Rose for some very odd reason. I got this as a birthday present from my mother a few years ago.  It was badly affected when I neglected and I was not sure if it would be able to recover.  I was so glad to see these, the first blooms on it for three years

These blackberries here were the first things that we planted in the garden when we moved in and a few years ago I planted a climbing rose close by.  Now they are closely intertwined and support each other well.
This year hopefully there seems to be a bumper crop of blackberries on the way for jam making season.  Beautiful with apples from a neighbours orchard.  Yummmmmmm

This little burst of orange gorgeousness was given to me by my sister-in-law.  It will grow absolutely anywhere and the plant doubles in size  in the matter of weeks.  It's brilliant for corners of the garden where nothing else wants to live.  I found that it thrives under trees.  The flowers themselves are on long stems and last ages as cut flowers in the house.

A beautiful visitor today which sadly has now become a rare sight.

Little Gypsy Skirt

Before heading off last week I made a little skirt for Lucy.  She was sitting looking through my fabric pile and decided that she loved this material and wanted a skirt made from it.  She also picked out the yellow bee material for the pockets because she said that the bees would love to be on a field of flowers and so that's where they should be.

I didn't have a pattern, so I just made it up as I went along.  It's simple but I'm happy with it and I think that it worked out alright.  And the main thing is that Lucy totally loves it and has worn it nearly every day since it was finished.

My next big project is a skirt for myself with some beautiful Amy Butler fabric.  I'll let you know how I get on.

Plus I'm also working on some new recipes and will soon have them ready too.  If my energy lasts that is!

Bosca Beatha

We spent this week travelling around after the two fishermen in the family.  And at this time of the year we always return to a little village in Sligo called Easkey.  There is a strange peacefulness that comes over me when we turn down the small coastal road to park a mere five metres away from the waves of the high tide. The sound of the waves soothing and the wind rocking the campervan gently like babes in a cradle.  Even the children love this simple place despite the fact that some say that there is not much to do there.  But we always find ourselves something to keep ourselves busy whether it is walking, cycling or hunting for fossils.

This year there were some new people to meet here.  Not far from us and right beside the sea Shirley, Nin and Co. set up a mobile sauna.  What better way for the surfers or walkers to relax than to gather and chat in the heat of the sauna and then to cool down in the sea.  Brilliant idea!! 

Could you ever think of a better place to have a sauna in the world?

Shirley told me that they also loved it there in Easkey but were going to be moving around the country and Cork would be the next stop.   But you can keep up with them at anamspraoi@wordpress.com.

Here is Nin, Shirley's dog that my kids totally fell in love with, not to mention our dog molly.  Lovable dog she is too.