Can I Tell You A Little Story?

In December of last year I had quite a strange experience.
While at my Hubby's  company Christmas party, a man who had been hired to read fortunes for the night, chose me out of a crowd and beckoned to me to sit with him on the sofa.
I was unsure at first as I really do not believe in all this pa lava but decided what harm could it do. 
It was all in fun anyway.

After he had a ten minute conversation with whom he said was my father (my father passed away nearly nine years ago),  I was beginning to question my opinion.
I sat stony faced and silent, not wanting to give anything away, as he relayed the messages from my Dad.  There were things that he said that were very particular and that could not have been guessed in a thousand years.

This completely freaked me.
Could this truly be genuine ?

Onto my cards then.  One by one he turned over my cards.  He said that he knew times had been hard for me and my family for quite a long time but that was all going to change.  By the beginning of the summer my life will have changed beyond recognition.  And it will be changes for the better.  I would get stronger and more confident.  This he repeated several times over because he said that it was important.

I walked away dazed. 

It had been a very strange experience.

Could this be real?

Only time would tell.

As the new year began, my life became a little bit more hectic as the hubby returned to college.

But just two weeks into January, my son Patrick fell sick very suddenly.  I had to rush him to hospital in the middle of the night and wait for hours outside an operating room while the doctors removed a seeping gangrenous appendix from my poor little boy.  He was so very sick and remained in hospital on three separate IV antibiotics for a week as I slept on a pull out chair by his bed holding his hand all night long. He had to remain home for a further fortnight while I tried to built him up again. My fun, chatty little son was too weak to stay awake for long and had lost so much weight in such a short time.

Just as I was getting Patrick back on his feet, I noticed that my mother's health was deteriorating rapidly.  She had not been well for quite a while but now it was beginning to get very scary.  

Eventually I just decided that we could not wait any more on doctor appointments and I brought her up to A&E in the Dublin hospital where her consultant was based.  Thankfully she was immediately admitted and her treatment began.

She was in hospital for two weeks and had some very intense surgery.

On her return home she needed constant help and was not allowed to do anything for herself. 

But this was like having an overgrown toddler in the house.

Every time I turned my back she was back doing something that was forbidden by the doctors.

It is very hard to keep a strong, independent person sitting down and taking the rest that she needs to recuperate, all day long.

Thankfully all is beginning to slowly quieten down and now I have time to reflect on the past three months.  

Has it changed?

Most definitely!

I used to always say that when one of my family needs me I could go into auto pilot and somehow be able to push my pain and tiredness to one side.  Then when all would be back to normal, my body would just stop and collapse.
This time the auto pilot didn't seem to switch off.

The weeks that my son were sick was very difficult, especially trying to sleep in the hospital and the pain was harsh but I got through it.

Before would I have never been brave enough to stay in the house alone with my kids for two months (when my hubby was in college before, we would go and stay with my Mum because I was too afraid to stay here on my own).

I have been driving up and down to the hospital to see Mum and bring her to appointments and I haven't even thought twice about the two hour drive. I've even surprised myself by being able to do it on my own.

It's been so long since I've had that freedom.

Every single day for the past ten years, I have slept for at least two hours during the day. I was always so tired that I needed this rest in order to be able to get through the rest of the day and be there for my kids when they got home from school and have the energy to do simple tasks like cooking an evening meal.  Now I can go most days without napping and I'm enjoying finding different ways to fill my day.  It was alien to me at first and scared me a little but I'm getting used to it now.

I don't want to jinx myself by saying this too early  but I think that finally after ten years I have a break in my fibromyalgia.
I have found a strength deep down that has helped me cope with the last few months.
I have found a confidence that I had forgotten ever existed.
I could spend time making memories with my family once more.



I have a lot of life to catch up on, a lot of time to make up for.