Why Me?

With a condition like Fibromyalgia it is very difficult not to ask the question, Why Me?  Especially on days when a simple task like doing the grocery shopping leaves me feeling like I am being eaten from the inside out.  An army of monsters with steel claws and sharp teeth gnawing and tearing at every muscle and joint in my body, leaving it hard for me to move or even to breathe.
The body deceives me sometimes, getting my hopes up by giving me days where the pain is bearable.  Bearable enough for me to enjoy a walk in the forest with the kids or a day in the garden but then suddenly like a bolt out of the blue the pain once again rises up on me.
But on these days I have to keep reminding myself that a mere 9 months ago I was incapable of driving anywhere, cooking a meal or even reading a book and it was so for the two years previous to that.  I'm slowly finding my way out of this dark and difficult time but the monster still lives within always ready to let it's presence be known.
On my bad days the Why Me? question follows me everywhere I often look at people my own age and wonder what it is like to have a full busy day, going to work and having a career or studying and not feeling any pain at all.  It has been seven years since I have been able to do any of that and it often feels like I have sometimes been cheated.  Cheated out of a proper life.  Incapable only of being an observer and not a participator as life seems fly by the windows of my house, like some weird episode of Dr. Who.  But I must not let self pity take hold because it will not be friend of mine. It will only crush me and steal my soul.
Something that took me quite a long time to learn is that I am not my pain and my pain is not me.  It is only a part of me.  And this realisation hit me like a streak of lightening.  Illuminating the massive mistake that I was making.  Before this I would it feel like the pain had taken over so much of my life and controlled each and every thing that I did and I had really forgotten all about me.  I became my pain in a way.  Incapable of imagining life without it.  I once said that I thought that I would be lonely without it because it had been with me for each and every day for seven years.  Like a person you don't like but always seems to be around.  It took me a month doing EFT every day with Karin in Germany to make me see what was really happening.  I was being smothered by this terrible condition. And now I realise that we are two seperate entities living in the same body.
Even though I still have my bad times, I'm grateful that I have come so far in the last 9 months.  I am Rosanna once more and I make the most of each and every break that I have from my chronic pain.  

The Summer Garden

Despite the bad weather, our garden seems to be finally blooming and coming into it's own.  Here are a few of the gorgeous sights in it at the moment.

This is called the Blue Rose for some very odd reason. I got this as a birthday present from my mother a few years ago.  It was badly affected when I neglected and I was not sure if it would be able to recover.  I was so glad to see these, the first blooms on it for three years

These blackberries here were the first things that we planted in the garden when we moved in and a few years ago I planted a climbing rose close by.  Now they are closely intertwined and support each other well.
This year hopefully there seems to be a bumper crop of blackberries on the way for jam making season.  Beautiful with apples from a neighbours orchard.  Yummmmmmm

This little burst of orange gorgeousness was given to me by my sister-in-law.  It will grow absolutely anywhere and the plant doubles in size  in the matter of weeks.  It's brilliant for corners of the garden where nothing else wants to live.  I found that it thrives under trees.  The flowers themselves are on long stems and last ages as cut flowers in the house.

A beautiful visitor today which sadly has now become a rare sight.

Little Gypsy Skirt

Before heading off last week I made a little skirt for Lucy.  She was sitting looking through my fabric pile and decided that she loved this material and wanted a skirt made from it.  She also picked out the yellow bee material for the pockets because she said that the bees would love to be on a field of flowers and so that's where they should be.

I didn't have a pattern, so I just made it up as I went along.  It's simple but I'm happy with it and I think that it worked out alright.  And the main thing is that Lucy totally loves it and has worn it nearly every day since it was finished.

My next big project is a skirt for myself with some beautiful Amy Butler fabric.  I'll let you know how I get on.

Plus I'm also working on some new recipes and will soon have them ready too.  If my energy lasts that is!

Bosca Beatha

We spent this week travelling around after the two fishermen in the family.  And at this time of the year we always return to a little village in Sligo called Easkey.  There is a strange peacefulness that comes over me when we turn down the small coastal road to park a mere five metres away from the waves of the high tide. The sound of the waves soothing and the wind rocking the campervan gently like babes in a cradle.  Even the children love this simple place despite the fact that some say that there is not much to do there.  But we always find ourselves something to keep ourselves busy whether it is walking, cycling or hunting for fossils.

This year there were some new people to meet here.  Not far from us and right beside the sea Shirley, Nin and Co. set up a mobile sauna.  What better way for the surfers or walkers to relax than to gather and chat in the heat of the sauna and then to cool down in the sea.  Brilliant idea!! 

Could you ever think of a better place to have a sauna in the world?

Shirley told me that they also loved it there in Easkey but were going to be moving around the country and Cork would be the next stop.   But you can keep up with them at anamspraoi@wordpress.com.

Here is Nin, Shirley's dog that my kids totally fell in love with, not to mention our dog molly.  Lovable dog she is too.

It's the Summer Holidays!!!

The pattern that seems to be emerging now is that we get three weeks of warm sunny weather at the beginning of May and what was once the summer months have turned into monsoon season. But with the kids now off school for eight weeks, we can take a break from the normal run of the mill and there are no time restrictions on us.
We are free to explore at every opportunity that a break in the weather gives us. And even when the rain pours down from heaven, a baking day all together has all the ingredients to make some happy memories. Some of my fondest memories are learning to bake in my mothers kitchen while we listened to Maria Callas on the radio.
One more thing I'm delighted about this summer is that for the first time in three years we have owl chicks in the copse beside our house. Long Eared Owls. I often cannot sleep at night and so sit in my garden and listen to the screech of the chicks. I've counted four chicks calling so far. And I'm waiting for the day they fly into my garden as they have done in previous years. It is an amazing experience when this huge bird flies right past and lands on the fence next to where you are sitting, big eyes glowing out in the darkness.

Raisin And Walnut Muffins

This recipe is for all walnut lovers and forgive me for not trying this out first but I am not included in this category.  My mother makes these all the time and loves them.  It's an old recipe that she found on a Prestige baking tin.  It's a slightly unusual and very easy recipe.  Hope that you enjoy.

Ingredients:
325g Plain Flour
100g Caster Sugar
1tbsp Baking Powder
1/2tsp Salt
1 Egg
325ml Milk
75ml Vegetable Oil
50ml Sweet Sherry
75g Walnut Pieces
75g Raisins

Method:

• Sieve together the flour, salt, baking powder and sugar.
• Beat the egg lightly and stir in the milk, vegetable oil and sherry.
• Mix liquid into the dry ingredients.
• Do not over mix
• The mixture will appear slightly lumpy.
• Stir in the walnuts and raisins.
• Divide between the 12 muffin cups.
• Bake at 200°C for 20/25mins.
• Lift the muffins from tins and cool on a wire rack

Chocolate Chip Muffins

Yipppee, finally I've managed to make up a recipe for Chocolate Chip Muffins that are light and fluffy.  Any recipe that I've tried before I found to be either too dense and heavy, too sweet or too moist.   By mixing up lots of different recipes and tweeking here and there I came up with this one.  Which proved to be so popular with the family that I had to be quick at getting my photo before they disappeared.

Ingredients:
350g Plain Flour
40g Good Quality Cocoa Powder
175g Caster Sugar
1tbsp baking powder
Pinch of salt
300ml Buttermilk
2 Eggs, Beaten
85g Butter, Melted
1tsp Vanilla Extract
100g Milk Chocolate, Roughly Chopped (You can use dark chocolate here but I use milk because my kids prefer it)


Method:

1. Preheat the oven to 190°C and line a 12 hole muffin tin with cases.  I use cases because I find them much cleaner in the tin and when the kids are eating them.
2. In a large bowl combine all the dry ingredients, the flour, baking powder, salt caster sugar and then sieve in the cocoa powder.  
3. In a jug measure out 300ml of buttermilk and add in the eggs , vanilla and melted butter. Whisk together with a fork until well combined.  One thing that I learned the hard way was to take the buttermilk out of the fridge for about 15mins before baking because even if the melted butter has cooled, if it hit cold buttermilk it solidifies again. 
4. Make a well in the centre of the flour mixture and pour in the the liquid.  The key here is not to overmix. Gently mix until just combined.
5. Add in the chopped chocolate and give it only a light stir.
6. With a ice-cream scoop divide the mixture between the muffin cases
7. Bake for 25mins until risen.
8. Take out of the oven and leave to cool for 5mins before taking out of the tray and onto a wire rack.